In one traditional Palestinian village, a mother was exhilarated when she finally found a suitable wife for her son, who had no experiences in life outside his village and his Israeli construction job. On the “first night” (or what we call, “penetration night”, reflecting the common social perception of this as the time for the young male to carry out nothing less than a violent invasion to prove his masculinity, and for the young female to prove her “honour”), this man had quite a few failed attempts. You can understand the reasons, of course, long suppressed desire, lack of basic knowledge and a heavy dose of insensitive family pressure on both.

The famous psychoanalyst Freud attributed the greatest proportion of sexual coldness on the “first night”, to the man’s disregard for the woman’s psychological and physical predisposition or desires, causing her pain, if not injury, and scarring her perception for sexual intercourse with fear and hatred.

Those of us who have watched cats and dogs having intercourse cannot but notice that they prepare for that moment with foreplay, and in fact, they are more evolved in their sexuality than some humans.

Now, the man’s mother, who was impatiently waiting for news of the invasion, could not tolerate the sight of him walking out of the room with his flags down, so she rushed into the room, and cruelly broke the bride’s hymen herself , causing her to bleed. A doctor was called in, and seven full stitches had to be administered to the horrified young woman. Unfortunately, this is not the only story in our society.

As the psychologist Platinion said, love is a special and distinct feeling that reaches a degree of possessiveness.

[...] When a love relationship is based on mutuality, faithfulness, care, comfort and cooperation, it reflects positively on society as a whole, exactly the opposite of those relationships that harbour tension, conflict, and psychological trauma.

[...] When a man and woman are attracted to one another [...], a special happiness evolves between them and mutual emotional satisfaction results. When one goes far from the other, an unrivaled sense of deprivation, loss and detachment dominate..., it is a complex and unique human need overwhelmed by passion, and flow of emotions, and therefore it is like no other human need.

Sex is a pivotal organic human component, which begins in early childhood, as psychologists now believe, and grows as the person advances in age, reaching maturity during the youth years. It can be suppressed or restrained, but it can never be nullified, for it is a natural instinct, very much like breathing or the need for food.

[...]

Bedouin-influenced arranged marriages spread in societies that lived the Bedouin life style, where a woman is constrained to the tent for reproduction and cooking. Even after the shift in the forms of production to agriculture, this norm lived on. In this system, the family selects for its son the “appropriate” bride, denying the latter any choice, based on prior emotional knowledge of the partner. Despite that, romantic and secret love encounters have spread as well, but due to lack of courage remained mostly clandestine. This picture is still prevalent in many areas in our nation, and in similarly underdeveloped nations.

[...] In such unbalanced relationships, the male is the bourgeoisie and the female is the working class, like the revolutionary Bebel once said. We, as leftists, cannot accept this unjust formula, since we revolt against all oppressions, including male oppression of women, even sexually.

It is not exaggeration to reiterate that one primary measure of the level of development of a nation is the degree of women’s emancipation and active participation in public life. Moreover, contemporary revolutions cannot victor without the indispensable contribution of women. This was apparent in the Intifada, where women played a key role; it was even more evident in the celebrated Vietnamese Revolution.

[...]

In our society, women are subjected to three main forms of oppression: national, due to Israeli occupation, class and social (male-chauvinism).

Regarding dress, I believe in pluralism. Women who are accustomed to wear traditional attire can do so, but so can women who prefer more modern dress, as well. The same applies to how each woman likes to wear her hair. We all know that dress and hair-do have nothing to do with virtue. The freedom to wear anything one wishes to is relative, and dependent on the degree of emancipation from sexual repression, and ethical advancement. It is therefore not coincidental to find men growing up in liberal, open milieus free of the sick perceptions and fantasies carried by men who grow up in a repressive social environment.

We ought to work with women in our society to enhance their self-confidence, and to assist them in gaining the social and political consciousness that they are unjustly denied. This self-consciousness is the only prelude for women to liberate themselves, and to take on their rightful role as full and essential partners in public life and in building the future.

Lastly, as the poet Hamzatov put it, a man has the right to perish twice: once for the sake of one’s nation, and the other for the sake of a beautiful woman.