A letter from Beirut

By Ghina

    The following was received this week by Ha'aretz:
The following is a forwarded e-mail I received from a friend. It is a letter from a Lebanese citizen who is suffering in the current conflict. I think it provides insight and exemplifies how the Lebanese feel.
Sincerely,
Waseem Bhatti
Jersey City, New Jersey
February 9, 2000
Eighteen years ago, I found myself standing in front of an "Israeli" soldier who was searching my home for weapons. Imagine my poor mom, a terrorist!
Eighteen years ago, I screamed loud and in his face, begging him to leave us alone. I am 26 years old and I feel like screaming in the face of this damned world. Justice, fairness, human rights ... these are all garbage.
The electricity has just been temporarily restored for one hour, so I'm taking this opportunity to write. I don't know when I'll be able to write again, but I want to say that we are not silent, we were never silent; we are trying to defend our country.
People were trying to protect their children when suddenly, in the middle of the night, an angel visited us, using his planes to strike at innocent people. I felt the smell of death today, the smell of war. I spent today covering the windows of my home with sheets and blankets so that we would not feel the cold air coming into our bones. The low-altitude air raids pressured most of the glass of the buildings in the area, and a window fell on my brother, badly injuring him. I gave him two units of blood - is that why I feel that all the letters in the alphabet are the same? Is that the reason why the United States ambassador to Lebanon asked the Lebanese to show restraint?
My brother is in the hospital tonight. Mom is with him and within an hour I will be with him too, on this dark, cold night in Beirut, this Arab city that resisted the "Israeli" army in the invasion of 1982.
I just wanted to send you a salute from a broken human being. It is not that I feel weak. Rather, I am angry, I am furious. Now I know that humans can be treated like garbage when big heads decide so.
This is retaliation? For God's sake, we are defending our home. Isn't that one of the rights that people have?
Beirut was very noisy today. The shops are trying to compensate for their sure losses this month, and their generators make me nervous. I felt that I might end this day in one of the mental hospitals. I am still awake from last night; after two more hours, it will be 24 hours that I have gone without sleep.
We are not silent. We want to protest, but in front of what? The damned United Nations or American embassy? We are the terrorists! That's all people know! This damned world is blind.
Mom was cleaning up all the damned broken glass in the house, while I was trying to buy bags of candles with valentines on them. How thoughtful of this angel Barak, who disguised himself once in the 1980s as a woman and killed a Palestinian leader in the area of Beirut.
In Beirut, the capital of my dark country, there has been no power supply for seven months. The city has suffered damage amounting to millions of dollars.
They told me that I should have some juice after giving my brother some blood, but I cannot imagine having any kind of food. I do not want to eat, for God's sake. I want justice. Is that too much to ask? Please, anyone who is out there - are you listening?
Is that the smell of death or am I feeling cold?
I will spend this night alone and the cold air will be celebrating my birthday with me. I am angry and I feel that I can scream so loud. This damned cold wind is getting stronger, but I have no glass shield to keep it from coming inside. No one is thinking of replacing glass because who knows when "Israel" will want to defend "its right to occupy us"!!
I have to send this to you now, for I will lose power in minutes, both from the power supply and the power of my fingers. I am cold ... maybe if I felt that you were reading me, reading this, then I would feel warm.
This is your correspondent from Beirut and Lebanon! Ghina.

1- Ha'aretz, 28-2-2000.